Children’s Books That I’m Going to Write Because of Election Results

In the shock stage of grief that I am in, I don’t have an eloquent way of stating my feelings. What I do know what to speak is books and lists. So … in an effort to put something forth in a meaningful way, here is a list of all the children’s books I would like to write now that we have unfortunate election results.

  1. Grey Matter: It would star a little brain named Carl and his pineapple best friend named Smother and be a book that talks about all the other factors that hum around opposites with the moral that “Almost nothing is black or white.” (Words would also fall into grey matter. Sorry, Trump).

screen-shot-2016-11-09-at-5-37-59-pm2. Tuesday’s with Morrie: (Children’s edition). And it would include mostly the quote to the right as the moral. And Morrie would be the cutest old man who wore sweater vests and hunched over a little when he walked.

Glass Slippers

Glass Slippers

3. Hillary’s Glass Ceiling which would be composed of patterned pantsuits, Hillary rappelling the Washington monument (because let’s be honest, the children could look back at this book and study the phallic symbols when they’re in English 101), and glass slippers. I’m not really sure how the slippers come in, but I feel like they fit.

Pantsuits

Pantsuits

4.  Blaze(r).  This one would be illustrated by Maira Kalman and Rachel Maddow would write it.  It’s a superhero comic about a women in a fierce patterned pantsuit (similar to Mrs. Frizzle) that takes on the world for girls everywhere. (And there would obviously be villains).  Bernie Sanders would also totally be in the spin-off comics as part of the super squad. His superhero name would be Suspanders.

5. Construct: would be a children’s book about building different architecture and would at some point become a metaphor for systemic issues in our society.  This one might now be a children’s book, but an adult book that has pictures.

6. Biggertry: which would be all about being the bigger person.  It would totally  be about a boy named Glee.  It would kind of be inspired by the poem “Guidelines”  and how a reaction to bigotry can change the bigot’s perspective.

7. Fences: This would be a book full of metaphors about breaking down walls.  This one is the most formed in my mind, it would have two neighbors and be a hodge podge of Robert Frost’s poem, “Mending Wall,” and “The Interlopers” by Saki, and a mashup of quotes from this election talking about Trumps BIG PLAN to build a wall. (Hmph).  It would also be part grammar (about how paragraphs are just sections of a text that have fences around them).  The book would probably be two sets of neighbors.  I’m actually inspired by my neighbor who finished off our fence out of the goodness of her own heart and didn’t even tell us she was doing it. PS. She’s a Muslim. I feel like this is an important part for you to know if you’re full of judgment right now. (If you are, I hope you can shit it all out later).

Donald Trump Mouth Cartoon / Scranton Times Tribune / Artist: John Cole

Donald Trump Mouth Cartoon / Scranton Times Tribune

8. The Man Behind the Mouth: Obviously, this would have a guy with a comb over and a red tie on the cover.  (Not naming names).  And he would say all kinds of ridiculously terrible things and people would correct him, maybe correct is the wrong word, but they would kindly and respectfully rephrase his points and give him reasons to change them. And the crowds correcting him would get bigger and bigger until he no longer fit on the page.  And then on the very last page, they would all hug. (This one’s my secret favorite).

Let me know your titles and ideas.

3 thoughts on “Children’s Books That I’m Going to Write Because of Election Results

  1. Chiqui @ YA Lit Reads says:

    This is an amazing post and all these books sound absolutely amazing. I would read them for all my kids and for myself as well! I especially like Blaze(r), I feel I would really enjoy reading about a heroine in pantsuits. :)

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