This morning I woke up to a comment that I took the wrong way from someone I have learned to trust and appreciate in this blogging community. Lately, I’ve been in a book slump and haven’t read anything that I absolutely love. Today, I spent the day at the NC Lit Festival, listening to artists like Karen Joy Fowler, Megan Mayhew Bergman, Kim Church, Jill McCorkle and others.
This has all led me to this moment right here. I thought it only fitting that I do this from the toilet (although I’m not using it…we won’t go that meta).
I have decided to take a break from my blog, after four years, and getting to know so many countless, beautiful, engaging, intellectual, inspiring people through this platform and this small corner of the internet that I can call my own. I was crying in the car just thinking about how much these last four years has meant to me and how scared I am in the next step of my writing journey. I don’t want to be a bitter blogger who can’t find any books she loves, and becomes that critic that everyone hates, and I don’t ever want to not try to write something on my own that’s independent of this, although I am scared TO DEATH. Literally, this might be the scariest moment of my life. I have put all my creative energies, and really, creative dignity into this blog and it has become something that is beyond me and brings me the most pleasure. I look forward to talking to this community every week and I hope that you all are finding the same relevance, and the same inspiration from me, and this blogging world. In order for me to sit down and write something that isn’t a blog, I have to give this up for a while. I’m a heartbroken a little bit, thus the tears in the car ride home and the way I avoided talking to my father downstairs and instead ran up the stairs to write this blog.
I just want you all to know that I love you. I am still on this journey with you and this is not goodbye, but see you later because I will blog ever so often (I still owe a few publishers a review) and I still want to keep in contact with every lovely person that I’ve met through this. I’m glad you guys have stuck it out with me for four years through my neurotic, eccentric, insecure and overly excited personality. I am no perfect creature, but I want to go off and try to write the most perfect book that only I can write. And let me reiterate, I am scared beyond anything I’ve ever been scared of. I have cried off and on for about two hours now. It may be the Port City Java jitters, or it may just be that I know how hard the next step is going to me.
I need to thank the first novel panel at NC Lit Fest for really inspiring me to take this next step. I also need to thank all of you for all the compliments and the stories and the conversation throughout these four years. I want to keep talking to you. I’m a great letter writer and I respond to emails eventually…..sometimes, I suck more at that. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. If you want to keep our conversations going, feel free to email me.
I hope I can understand why I’m doing this when I am in the writing process and I hope you can understand why I can’t blog and write something at the same time. I’m trying to give my full dedication to some work that will be produced in the future, who knows what. If I didn’t write this post right now, I might not have. So, this is quick, but thank you, I love you, and see you later.