Even though I really, really, REALLY, want everyone to read my previous blog…I’m already behind a day in the challenge and so I HAVE to blog today and tomorrow to even have a chance of keeping up and making myself succeed at something in April. So, today’s blog: mass destruction.
I’m kind of into mass destruction in the Pinky & The Brain sort of way. I like to scoff like evil geniuses occasionally.
But today, when I was sitting, ass hard against the tile floor of a public bathroom, I no longer really enjoyed mass destruction, or train noises, or gusty, Moby-Dick-The-Book-like winds. When you hear trees cracking their small knuckly branches, you aren’t really thinking about your uno hand (the one you whipped out so that one of the teenagers in the bathroom with you would stop sobbing against her friends’ thighs). UNO does not solve tornado problems, this is something I learned today. Neither do elementary school, patty-cake games with catchy songs attached (google: Miss Mary Mac if you don’t understand, all dressed in black).
So here’s the deal, I’m in the bathroom of my work, I’m sitting against a tile floor that has most likely had some sort of female body fluid on it at some point or another, a girl with the same name as me is sobbing into her friends Indian-Style lap while her friend calls everyone she knows to tell them that she’s in the middle of a devastating tornado and may die. She never, coincidentally says “I love you” or “I hope someone saves me” which I would think were the key words before imminent death, but who knows really. Then, I’m with my other co-counselor who is holding a baby, why a baby you ask? Because our boss brings her child to work occasionally. He is sucking down a bottle of apple juice, harnessing the power equivalent to four mouths instead of just one, fat-lipped baby mouth. He is making “eh, oh, eh” noises and trying to sing “Jesus Loves Me.” Meanwhile, we have a weather radio. When it isn’t insistently beeping, it’s playing that damn noise that you hear when the weather channel shuts down your favorite show and puts a rainbow on the screen, saying “weather advisory, here’s what to do..” at the bottom. And if that wasn’t annoying enough, ever so often it would remind us that we should cover ourselves with blankets that the teen center doesn’t have, and cover our heads and bodies for sudden glass from windows. Not only that, but could they at least get real people to record these things, those robot people say things funny. And then you want to giggle, but you realize you’re in a bathroom of people crying who believe their going to die, and in this kind of situation you don’t usually laugh. For instance, people probably weren’t laughing in the World Trade Center (unless they remembered a joke from last week and couldn’t stop making that nervous laughter). I guess that’s in the human code: don’t laugh when death is approaching. I’m sure death is a witty guy, Emily Dickinson though so too, so maybe he wouldn’t mind a laugh or two in his presence.
Thankfully, I was crunched into the girl’s bathroom because hygiene isn’t a number one priority in the lives of young men blistering with hope and basketball sweat. Deodorant may be lining their medicine cabinets, but that whole extra second it takes to put it on really cramps up their day, so they choose instead to let their musk fill the in case-of-tornado-bathrooms. Aw, the sweet smell of post-pubescent males in the afternoon.
Also thankfully, turns out everyone’s okay. I think the creepiest thing that happened after the Tornado was the dead, empty silence of the day. There were no birds, no wind, no people outside roaming the neighborhood streets. It was just dead silent. If the leaves hadn’t already fell to the ground everywhere, I’m sure we could hear them hit the pavement. That’s how still it was outside. So, this is a happy ending. And THIS happy ending has pictures:
And just for shits and giggles, I got new TOMS yesterday (my first ones from this wonderful accented person I know are getting a bit raggedy because I wear them ALL THE TIME and so I got new ones from my lovely mother with my favorite animals all over them. My elephant TOMS, that will help me to fly away with all the power of their obtuse ears. My baby Jas loves them too. He’s into all things vegan, clearly.