This blog is brought to you by the letter F and may be unsuitable to some audiences. Parental guidance is advised.
What better way to do an ‘F’ blog then to talk about my favorite cuss word and really give my mother a good scare, eh? I feel uncomfortable when the c-word is used because it sounds phonetically similar to wart and I can’t handle all that, and then I get the mental picture of warts on my YOO-HOO and I get even more weird than how weird you think I am right now.
Anyway, other words I don’t like as much as this one (in the profanity category).
I don’t particularly like ass, because I like donkeys and I don’t think of them as bad, snobby or arrogant. I think of animals with buck teeth and funky mane hair, who are shorter than horses. Where horses would be the Gaston of an animal Disney movie, donkeys would be the dorky friend, not the ass. Not only that, but ass is way overused in rap music (and country music, which is…ironic) and so it’s not even really profanity anymore. Nine year olds everywhere are saying it to their father’s who ask them to clean their rooms and no one’s even gasping, or blinking funny, or angrily crossing their arms and jutting a hip out in that awkward-I’m-pissed-off-stance. Ass is no cuss word, no profanity, no ruffle in someone’s normal day. It doesn’t make old people turn around on the sidewalk to give you disgruntled looks when you exclaim it on your cell phone.
Shit, I feel the same way about. And my family has a full-disclosure policy on all things potty-related and so everyone knows everyone else’s shit practices. If you haven’t read the blog about the Puerto Rican vacation and how many times “poop” and its’ word ancestors came up, then you should probably skip back to the one and watch me tally the amount of times we had #2 discussions. I think Shit is the only bad word for shit, basically. Think about it, poop is acceptable, diarrhea – people talk about that at the office, poo is another form of poop, but still valid, fecal matter is the scientific term, defecate is the scholarly term, feces is the term used by hunters when they see animal droppings, droppings are … well you know, dung makes me think of cows, excrement makes me think of Law & Order and I’m sure if you’re a constant dun-dun…dun-dun-dun-duuunnn-dunnn listener you know why, manure is the word for grandma’s gardening. I mean seriously, shit can’t be a bad word – it has so many REAL words that go along for any stage of your life, or any career path you may take. Babies = poo, scientists =fecal matter. See what I mean? It has its; own wikipedia for God’s sakes, how can it be a bad word: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit
Wanker/Douchebag..they both mean the same thing, but in different countries. Wanker is a close second to my favorite cuss word mentioned above. Just trying yelling “WANKAAAA” into a crowd and you’ll see why. It’s like playing the “Penis!” game (see 500 Days of Summer if you haven’t already or you don’t know what I’m talking about). And Douchebag is the new version of “Scrub” from the days of the 90s with the lovely females of TLC. Douchebag is basically a girl-code word for any dude who sucks, literally and figuratively. There’s not much more explaining to do than that. You can check urban dictionary if you really feel like exploring this topic.
Bitch has become a word for feminists to use to exclaim that they’re proud to be tough, lethal, cunning and can say whatever the EFF they want. So, I like it. It’s a good word. It still makes me uncomfortable while I read Everything is Illuminated and see it referred to as the dog, Sammy Davis Junior Junior all the time. Bitch as dog just doesn’t make sense in my mind, my mental image is always of some tough woman, or one of my old friends. The word may be losing steam.
Bastard – there are very few things to say about this word other than the mental image I always get with Bastard is either a. Fat Bastard from Austin Powers eating a giant drumstick or b. The Scarlet Letter because her child was a “bastard child.” Yes, these images are very different. No, I do not care to relate how they intertwine in my mind when I think about the word.
Damn – unless in the term “God Damn” doesn’t really ever get to me. “God Damn” does, not that I’m exactly offended, just that it doesn’t sound right to me in the slightest. I use damn too often I’m pretty sure, maybe people are sick of it.
I do not believe in the following words: dyke, fag, gay, retard, homo, pussy, queer, twat, any form of n-word, or faggot. I think they’re unbelievably offensive and won’t be your friend if you use them.