Can you love more than one person at once?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about writing a short story about a torn woman (woo, like that hasn’t been done before.  REAAAAL original, Cassie, geez, this one will DEFINITELY get you into graduate school…), but none-the-less, I’ve been thinking about it constantly.  It’s truth to just throw out there that people cheat on their spouses, significant others, families etc everyday and sometimes they have no empathy for those involved, and sometimes they end the patterns and sometimes they keep it up, and sometimes they can be changed for the better by one person entirely and not ever want to do anything to hurt them again. (But, they will. And they’ll make-up. And that’s life, ups and downs).  Still, through out all my knowledge of a vast 22 years (womp, womp, womp) I feel like people do and can fall in love with more then one person at a time.  I’m not saying you have more then one soul mate or anything philosophical about the universe, I just think it happens and it has happened.  I know a lot of people think (based on societies views of proper norm activity, and many people’s religious convictions that monogamy is what you SHOULD be doing.  But maybe monogamy isn’t right for everyone.  I mean if there are asexual people in the world (who have no attraction to anyone) and there are people who are attracted to inanimate objects based on the heat they give off and other factors…why can’t it be that people love more then one person at one time?

This will definitely upset people I know.

So bear (bare, beir) with me.

I am NOT in anyway saying that I can, will, should, or do love more then one person right now.

I’m ONLY saying that I believe it can happen. AND, that is why I am going to use my lovely friends, the Greeks, who may not have gotten it all right, but they have some kickass names and some really intense urban legends/tales.

The Greeks had 5 words for love.

Eros –- erotic love involving physical attraction and emotional intensity;

Agape –- sacrificial love involving placing a loved one’s welfare above your own; (I personally like to call this “the feast of love” and relate it to my spiritual convictions towards God and my fellow people in a search for higher powers….I also love this book “Feast of Love” and recommend it to ANYONE who needs a good book to read.  Yes, I am selling this book to you right now.  THIS is an advertisement).

Storge –- love as friendship and companionship;

Pragma –- love as a “shopping list” of desired attributes, such as being a good parent;

Ludus –- love as a game;

Mania –- jealous, obsessive, dependent love.

Now, I know Greeks tended to be polygamous, which I’m not for. I DO agree with the anti-polygamy laws (here comes another book plug: Under the Banner Heaven, about Morman Extremism. NOT Morman’s who practice the Morman faith today, but Morman’s who set up communities in the far reaches of the US and so on to practice their faith without abiding by American Law or Morman law today.  It’s an amazing book, it’s like a car wreck – you can’t look away, but it will definitely change your life.  I also found that polygamy made me feel totally disgusted while reading this book, but there were also many other factors in my feelings.  I am not going to judge polygamy, it just isn’t for me and I don’t believe it’s right).

That being said. The Greeks believed in something called polyamory, which is the act of loving more then one, at once. That’s the best definition I could give you at this point other then the dictionary definition that states:

“Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one non-conjugal intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.”

SO. Polyamory does not condone cheating, because everyone in the relationship has come to a consensual decision that they will have more then one partner.

I honestly, have no idea where I’m going with this.  I can’t really stop researching, but I don’t know if I’m trying to make an argument, or convince anyone of something, or state some off hand belief I have (that I’m not even sure I do have), or just talk about Greeks because I love them and I’m named after one. I don’t know. So…take this, or leave it.  Doesn’t really matter because I don’t even know why it’s here.

Just, anyone who reads this, believe whatever you want, whenever you want, just be completely firm in that belief. (Unless, someone comes by with an amazing, brilliant ingenious argument against that belief, which can definitely happen if you’re an ignorant SOB)

Okay, thanks for reading this pointless, infomercial!

7 thoughts on “Can you love more than one person at once?

  1. Lauren says:

    I think that this is a great post.

    I do believe that it is possible to love more than one person. However, it’s what we do with the love…

    If we’re in a marriage or any monogamous relationship, we took vows or even promises that we wouldn’t be with anyone else. So I think that the importance here is honesty.

    There are plenty of people that have open relationships, and that works for them. It’s just important to talk about risks, such as pregnancy, stds, etc.

    I just believe the importance of this discussion is how honest you are with yourself and others involved in your life.

  2. Brian says:

    very insightful cass. definitely alotta research done on ur part lol. im a big fan of greek mythology and history myself but Im not sure who u were named after as u stated lol. sounds 2 me like u have a devout belief in not cheating or marrying more than one but can acknowledge the fact the some people do fall for more than one person at once. its completely understandable and i can fully understand where your coming from with it. ;)

  3. Cari Corbett says:

    Awesome–send me when you get a draft….I’ve often thought about this too. I also like the ides of two selves, one animalistic–aroused/attracted regardless of context(ie, if individuals are married)–and our (more socially trained) moral intellect, or rather conscience or civility. I think love is all that matters, real love never hurts–jealousy and deceit are the problems. There, there’s my infomercial of semi-beliefs. Sexuality is such an interesting tabooed subject, as old as stories, it’s strange how uncomfortable it still makes people. I overheard someone asking their friend “do you believe in bisexuality?”….I didn’t realize it was something one could believe or not believe in, it seems like asking “do you believe in whales”….mammals in the sea. But then, I don’t think evolution is a belief either. Another one, how does science negate religion–I always saw science as illuminating myths, not destroying them, and am fascinated at how much was right, rather than wrong, in so many myths and stories. There, that’s my random free association streaming consciousness on that….Write, write, write–I want to read more of your work. : )

    • cassiemannes says:

      Cari, I again, totally agree with everything you just said. I love how inspiring you are for me! I will send it to you when I get a draft, I’m still in the pondering process so we’ll see. The “Whales” and “bisexuality” comparison was my favorite part, completely agree. :) Coffee before I leave for Australia is a must! Please let me know when you’re free. I write my pantoun poem for today, but couldn’t make it because a good friend came into town. Did you write one? If so, let’s trade off, I need someone to read mine to see if it even makes sense. :) And thanks for commenting, it is much appreciated! You’ve helped inspire even more thought!

  4. bea mannes says:

    WOW, what to comment on that. I guess first, I would say it is great that you are researching love before you write this story in your head. I believe that is the sign of a smart writer. It is always good to know your subject well.
    I cannot comment on the loving of two people in the romantic sense, because I just don’t know, I am not sure, haven’t been there and done that. I definitely do love more than one person in my life. I am a Mother and love my children. I love my sisters and brothers. I love my cousins and neices and nephews. There are many people that I love, and as time goes by, there will be more for me to love. Did I mention how much I love my grandson, and how I look forward to loving more grandchildren in my future? So love for me is infinite, ever-expanding, and I thank God for it.


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