FEEL THESE FEELS

Feels @ Tumblr

I can’t remember which one, but in one childhood movie, a character used The Bible as a sort of fate guessing game.  Point your finger, open a page and press down hard on the words of your future.  The only way God will tell you if that boy is going to breakup with you on Saturday when he meets Rachel is through random Bible trivia.  I think it was that movie where the girl stuffs her bra with ziplock pudding packs.  It’s the same girl that’s in Hocus Pocus.  Why can I never remember the name.

I’m sorry to say (is this a moment when you use one of those #smh) that I believed this was how God spoke to people back in the day.  Bible scavenger hunts and what not.  Most of my boyfriends either got dumped by Bible dosages, or I decided whether or not to lie to my parents about something minor.  Now obviously, I’m much more grown up and sophisticated (maybe not, #smh), and I have new ways of dealing with stress.  Flipping quarters. No just kidding. I have a book, a book for all things, all times, all feelings.  1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names is a book from the lovely people at Penguin who send expansive emails with lots of verbiage.  They are book people after all, and they tote a small penguin around with them in their purse so we have to give them a break.

1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names by Mario Giordana, Illustrated by Ray Fenwick, translated by Isabel Fargo Cole

1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names is a beautiful book.  French flaps (I learned this word from Audra @ Unabridged Chick), strangely unique illustrations (like looking at a Tumblr typography page), and a translator.  You know it’s going to be interesting when one day you’re able to use that language and the original meant tongue instead of lip and all of a sudden that kiss is much more sloppy than romantic.  A girl can dream.

Not only are the illustrations “ballin'” but the book is so much fun to scavenger hunt.  Having a rough day, close your eyes and crystal ball the hell out of #623. The fear that the medications won’t work.  Or maybe you’re “rough day” amounts to #666. The desperation when everyone tells you you’ve got to “finally let go” — and you can’t.  If you’ve never had a crying fit in your car over #666, then you probably haven’t lived through a teenage girl.  Or finally, for all the colleagues out there with desks to close to sneezing, sputtering, yammering, coughing, talking to loud to their ex-boyfriend, gum chewing, hair curling, professionals out there, this one goes out to you.  #802. The disappointment that other people get by just fine with advice and assistance. OH, YOU DON’T WANT TO TRY MINTS INSTEAD OF GUM, YOU ENDLESS POPPING CACOPHONY.

Anyway, there are unexplainable feelings for every moment of your life in this book, just about.  I’m sure we could come up with a few of our own if we had a book club, and a few restless wives just lying around. (Ba dum cha). Here are a few of my favorites with brief explanations:

  • #390. The envy of other people’s hickeys.

Ray Fenwick Art

Explanation: How much change did you find in that dirty couch when you didn’t know where to put your hands.  I’m looking at you, freshman, front row, hiding that red blotch behind a JROTC uniform.

  • #107. The anxiety that maybe you’re not a real man because you’ve never been to a brothel.

Explanation: Is there where women ladle out soup from large cauldrons wearing nothing but their skivvies.  Let’s stick to that.

  • #100. The felicity of the first touch.

Explanation: I have an American Girl Doll with that name.  She lives in the attic.

  •  #863. The indignation at being called vain.

Explanation: Oh, you mean, those seventeen selfies I just took because I couldn’t get one good one for #selfiesunday.  We see you, instagrammers.

  • #676. The urge to swerve into the guardrail.

Ray Fenwick art

Explanation: Normally this would be called depression, but I have this strange lingering feeling, just a nagging little itch, that everyone has looked at that metal bandaid on the high way and wondered at what speed they could shift it’s surface without killing themselves, sometimes on those rough days (623) how fast you’d have to go to plough through.

  • #485. The happiness of lounging on the sofa together.

Explanation: If by lounging on the sofa you mean in the guest bedroom because my boyfriend is allergic to cats and watching the entire first and second season of American Horror Story in one day so that your eyes are so bloodshot they refuse to close because they have reached that level of openness that now it is about survival.

  • #199. The certain serenity while gazing out a train window.

Alice Feels These Feels @ Disney

This feeling simultaneously makes me feel both alone and together with the entire world.  It might be the way you don’t move for the entire train ride, but stay stock still with your knees together as a school girl, or it might be the blurred grass that the human eye can’t make out by blade or bush, but this feeling is one of my very favorites. I can’t read on a train because I get car sick, my eyes trying to peripheral the view of the window while at the same time scanning the page.  Just not a good thing, so window it is, almost always.  The same thing can be felt in a plane, but that’s more of a “you’re just a speck in the vastness of the universe” than an actual fully together, ripped apart feeling.

  • #18. The dread of ice breaker games.

I think I feared this more than my camp children when we would play these in the large field.  I was a star swimmer in high school and yet the mounting fear was always, will I be picked last?

READ THIS BOOK. EAT THIS BOOK. FEEL THESE FEELS.

*With this outpouring of feelings, I have suddenly remembered (by googling pudding packs in bra movie) and the movie that I loved, oh so, is “Now and Then.”


12 responses to “FEEL THESE FEELS

  • Anne

    #676: The urge to swerve into the guardrail – is very similar to the feeling you get when your friend gives you a homemade paintball ( a ball made from a sack of paint wrapped in layers of plastic), except instead of ultimately going past the guardrail, you take it head on (squeeze that paintball until it pops and ruins the couch fabric). At least it was a shitty college couch. I could not resist.

  • Jenny

    The dread of ice breaker games MY GOD YES. I don’t mind the ones where you have to go around asking people questions and like that, but I used to fake being about to throw up in order to get out of doing the ones where you had to touch other people. Bleeeeeehhhhhhhh.

    • Cassie

      Hahaha! I used to play this game with my students called “chicken in the hen house” and you had to do all kinds of weird touch other people things. I had a great laugh and they did too eventually but at first it was way awkward. I just get that awful gut feeling when I have to talk to people. My boyfriend is a total schmoozer so I wall flower around his orbit and try to warm up before I make a fool out of myself. I once knew a girl named Katja and she asked me for two of my students names that she was helping and I said “oh you know, john and Kristin, good old American names” and even swung my elbow up and did a little snap. She was Swedish…. I can be very awkward star fish.

  • Kimberly

    I loved that movie “Now and Then”! It’s one of those movies that make me feel nostalgic. I will have to watch some now.

    I love this: “….your eyes are so bloodshot they refuse to close because they have reached that level of openness that now it is about survival.” I laughed so weirdly, I choked on my water. That was priceless!

    There’s one feeling on one of the pictures you posted, I think it says #697. I am going through that feeling. My dog I had for 12-13 years passed away two years ago and I’m barely getting over it. I was 11, so I could comprehend he was an animal, but it felt like he was a person. Only recently I’ve been thinking about getting a another dog in the future. We’ll see.

    I’m going to find that book. Thanks for sharing, again!

    • Cassie

      I’m so sorry about your dog. I know if anything happened to either of my cats I would be devastated. I talk to them around the house like they’re humans and I swear one of them completely understands what I’m saying. It’s kind of crazy. I’m glad you could get a good laugh! : )

  • Let's CUT the Crap!

    This is an outrageously hilarious review. I can always count on you to get my full attention. How long did it take to tally 1000 feels, I wonder. I’ll need to have a think about my younger self to see what feels I’ll remember to add to these 1000. :-D

    • Cassie

      I just read some before bed every night. It was a fun read and it makes you think of A LOT of memories as you read. Some of them are especially funny, or hard to get through without thinking of your own life. : ) Let me know when you think of your feels!

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